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No reckoning

It’s been a little over a year since I bet the world on a pair of fives, and several months since I last posted here. I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. Why haven’t I posted since I returned to Minnesota? It’s not like the story is over…. is it?

You see, I don’t want to give a false impression. Perhaps as much as you did, I wanted this story to fit some narrative my anxious mind invented – like a movie, or one of those books about cowboys. Struggle, epic something, victory. Beginning, middle, end. But life doesn’t work that way.

One thing I’ve learned in the last year is that these journeys don’t always start with a crisis and end with a reckoning. In life, there is rarely any grand conclusion to anything. You just sort of wander aimlessly around out of restless frustration, before eventually realizing that it’s time to go home. And if you know where that is, you do. If you don’t, you find one.

There’s no dramatic tip of the scales, no great catharsis, just the satisfaction of having gone a different way for a while. Of balancing the ledger you keep with the world close enough to sleep at night.

The journey never really ends, it just slows down for a time, then resumes in the same or some other form when it’s needed again. It’s not some thing that must exist separate from us. It is us. Life itself is our grand adventure. I never really understood that before, even if I thought I did. And it was arriving at that understanding that helped me change everything.

I’m not one to give much credence to regret, but part of me wishes I’d have realized that years ago. Along with a few other things…

Anyways, there are some gaps to fill here. It’s been just as crazy since I came back to Minnesota as it was since I left. I can’t fill you in tonight, but I will tell you that Melissa is still around… I can’t shake her, no matter how hard I try 🙂

So stick around, we’ll continue this journey together. Maybe we’ll all learn something. Just remember, stay off the highways, and the road will be good to you.